in your room for all of a trimester as I sell
it 10$ at a time to people in my dorm.
ruiner: right
Dan: I told you about the girl at church right?
ruiner: no
ruiner: dan, you sold weed in church?
Dan: No
Dan: not yet
ruiner: there's something unwholesome
and...entertaining about that
Dan: eh hemmm
ruiner 3/12/01 12:18 AM hehe
Dan: About four weeks ago I was kneeling in the
back after communion.
Dan: I came late and didn't have a seat
Dan: so I'm behind the last pew
Dan: and the person in the pew is siting so I cna't
rest my hands on it so my hands are down and
my head is bowed.
Dan: got it?
ruiner: yeah
Dan: This chick walks inbetween me and the pew. My
head feels a 'nudge' and I look up to be
baried in her breasts
Dan: God in my mouth
Dan: My my hard on a mile long this is the most
beautiful girl I have ever seen
Dan: she is like 16-17 and I can't stop thininkg
about her
Dan: or at least I can't stop thinking about her on
sundays when I've seen her
Dan: And I still had Christ in my mouth.
Dan: It was absolutly the most wrong sitchwation
I've ever been in
Dan: not counting the hardcore anal sex acts.
Dan: . . .
ruiner: hahaha
Dan: yeah.
ruiner: that's beautiful
Dan: Today she was in the back about ten ft away
from me talking to two girls, who I would have
been atracted to had she not been there, the
entire mass.
ruiner: hehe
Dan: damnit. so frustrated. When she left I tried
to follow her but she was too sly for me
Dan: she left early and walked in front of the
preist as he procesed out and I couldn't catch
her
Dan: people mobbed me and pushed me out a side
door.
ruiner: damn
Dan: yeah I don't know what I would have done had I
followed her to the parking lot though
ruiner: nothing, but the thought was there
ruiner: i'm all for stalking chicks
Dan: God knows I wouldn't have ...okay maybe I
would have tried to sell her drugs...but that
would involve talking.
Dan: I wish I had a car.
Dan: that would make staliking much easier.
ruiner: that would probably be a bad idea
Dan: hmmm?
Dan: stalking her....or stalking her with a car.
Dan: or talking to her?
ruiner: all 3
ruiner: talking to her will feed the urge to stalk her
Dan: okay.
Dan: But I do, every sunday have the biggest crush
I've ever had on a girl
Dan: ever.
ruiner: you should bone her, right in the balcony
during mass
Dan: except maybe jen this video game chick who is
getting maried to this really ugly guy named
greg who is rich and has a big dick. But I
think that's true love rather then a crush
ruiner: tell her you'll absolve her sins afterwards
Dan: I'll have to make a balcony
Dan: *strokes chin*
ruiner: oh
you'll have to improvise
ruiner: behind the last pew on the floor, then
Dan: I do have to bone her though
ruiner: not in the pew, that would be sacreligious
ruiner: *cough*
Dan: Exactly
Dan: Preferably I'll boink her while she isn't
looking.
ruiner: good plan
Dan: and doesn't notice
Dan: I think I can get off that quick.
ruiner: i think so, too
Dan: thank you for the vote of confidence
Dan: I apreciate it.
ruiner: that's what i'm here for
Dan: Well I have all break to get geered up to bang
her.
Dan: yeah. that'll be a good thing to look forward
too.
ruiner: definitely
ruiner: i have it figured out
Dan: okay
Dan: what do you have figuredout?
Dan: me getiing laid?
ruiner: oh, so all of a sudden this stalking thing is
about YOU now?
Dan: O' no sory go on
ruiner: no, follow her to the parking lot and figure
out what car she drives. get the license
number of possible
Dan: *looking confused*
Dan: okay
Dan: and......?
ruiner: then, go buy a dildo. and...*pause for effect*
...leave it in her car
Dan: hahahahahahahaah
ahhahahah
ruiner: *sits back smugly and crosses arms, nodding*
Dan: o damn
ruiner: wait...
Dan: I don't know if I can
ruiner: that probably won't get you laid
ruiner: scratch that
Dan: damn!
Dan: that sounded like such a good plan
ruiner: but...BUT!
Dan: ....Yessssss
ruiner: if you can bring yourself to do it, rub your
cock on the dildo
then, you can assume there's a small chance
that she might use it...
*rubs chin conspiratorially*
ruiner: that doesn't help you get laid either
but it's like the ass-penny effect
Dan: No.
Dan: You are a fucking Geniuse.!
Dan: I think I'm doing that.
ruiner: thanks
Dan: How can she not use a dildo? I mean really
it's free.
ruiner: hehe
ruiner: she might think it's "creepy", though
ruiner: if you found a rubber vagina in your car,
would you use it?...
bad example. you would
i probably would, too, if i found one in my
car. yes. yes this plan cannot fail
Dan: You see girls are difrent.
for a bit she will find it creepy. but after
a couple of weeks and the dildo has been
siting there doing nothing and she's held it
and showed it to her freinds she'll have it
'broken in' house trained if you will. then
she will be comfertable enough around it to
stick it in her snatch
Dan: indeed the plan cannot fail
Dan: sex through dildo......but why do I need the
license plate number....?
ruiner: yes
Dan: and how am I getting in her car?
ruiner: so you don't put the dildo in the wrong car
ruiner: oh...
ruiner: getting in the car...we'll figure that out
later, make sure you get the make and model of
her car then
Dan: Oh....right wrong car would be bad. I might
have sex with a fat man
Dan: I'll bring a scetch pad.
Dan: and write it all down
Dan: make a little drawing to go along with it.
ruiner: ehehe
Dan: If only there was some way I could actually
stick my dick into her Vagina
Dan: but I think after this conversation it's
pretty much out of the question
ruiner: oh, definitely
ruiner: you have to go with the dildo now
Dan: like if we were to hit it off. and one day
she's like "WHat gave you the nerve to talk to
me?"
Dan: I'll have to say it was this or the dildo plan
Dan: and that could turn out badly
ruiner: it could
Dan: considering how much I've invested in the
dildo plan
ruiner: well...i don't know how to explain that to her
in such a way as to make a good impression
Dan: yeah.
Dan: that's kinda one of the girl guy difrences
Dan: if she told that to me as the rubber vagina
plan
Dan: I'd just be flattered
Dan: and fuck her
ruiner: as would i
Dan: but tell a girl you have a plan to rub your
dick all over a dildo and leave it in her car
and she gets all psiisy
ruiner: girls can be so odd sometimes
Dan: yeah bitches
Dan: I don't rember if I told this too you or you
told it to me or if I just recently thought it
up but.
It's been 19 yrs since I've been in a vagina
ruiner: hehehe
no, i haven't heard that
Dan: *sigh*
Dan: in sitcoms they make fun of people who haven't
had sex for 6months
ruiner: bastards
Dan: I'm at never.
Dan: that's a long time
Dan: and posibly very funny
ruiner: yes, it's funny in a sick "laugh at my
misfortunes" sort of way
Dan: is there any other way
ruiner: of course not
Dan: Cuz I might want to start trying those other
ways out.
Dan: awwwwww
ruiner: though it's been my experience that people
outside of our circle tend to be bothered by
scathing critiques of their character
ruiner: some people just have no sense of humor...
ruiner: would you believe that some people say that
i'm mean?
Dan: No. people would be offend by this talk of
stalking with intent of dildo placement in lue
of sex and.......SHUT UP
Dan: who would
Dan: I'll kick there ass.
ruiner: hehe
Dan: or be beat down trying
Dan: okay well I'd just probably make fun of them
from afar.
ruiner: while running the opposite direction
Dan: ......actually......come to think about
it.......people have said simmialr things to
me.........
Dan: hmmmmmmm
Dan: *whispers* yes definatly while running the
oposite direction
ruiner: also, one of my coworkers made the observation
that i'm a nice guy, but i'mm really evil on
the inside
Dan: hahahaahah
Dan: nice but evil on the inside I like that one
ruiner: yeah
it was pretty funny
